Jan 09 2014
Thanksgiving and Christmas flew past us with the velocity of a sneeze. We visited our family. We indulged in food. We caught up with some friends, but not all. It was a good holiday, and I was sad to see it go.
Our little guy turned two in December. Two! He isn’t a baby anymore, and he is becoming more of a little boy every day. It’s SO nice when we can effectively communicate. Of course, there are still plenty of challenging moments as he struggles to understand the world around him, and we struggle to find the half way point and meet him there.
People have been asking us since we brought Baby Boy home if we’d do it again for a second child. Until recently, I was always quick to answer, “Absolutely,” but now, I’m not so sure we will. We really lucked out on Baby Boy. If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I didn’t know how lucky I was, I’d be rich. While you can tell yourself all day how lucky you are, I don’t think you can really appreciate a baby who sleeps through the night at two months old, for example, until you have a baby who screams through the night at 9 months no matter what you do. We got lucky. Really lucky.
Does lightening strike twice?
As Baby Boy becomes more independent, I have to admit, it’s really nice. This whole communication thing is better than I could have ever imagined! Do we want to start all over again? Do we want to reset the diaper clock? Will our child be scarred if he doesn’t have a sibling? Can we handle the emotional toll of another adoption? Can we afford adoption again?
….Do we want to?
I don’t know if we do.
Parenthood is hard– even when you are lucky. We aren’t entirely set either way, but we seriously are entertaining the idea of being content with Baby Boy and living a full life with him… only him.
Still, I get insanely jealous when expanding a family is SO EASY for some people that it almost seems like an afterthought to them. Does this mean anything? Maybe it means we will adopt again. Maybe it just means I could be a better person. I can’t say.
I guess my point to all of this is, looking out at the year ahead of us and our future, I don’t know if we will expand our family, and I might really be okay with that. It’s a little scary to admit that out loud.
But for goodness sake, if expanding your family is easy for you and your only question is do we or don’t we— please, PLEASE be grateful for that.