Carefully arranged toys, courtesy of Baby Boy.
Whenever we held Baby Boy for the first time, the experience was surreal. We were thrilled and happy and hopeful and full of caution. After placement, our hearts were filled with sorrow to see and feel his birth parents’ raw grief. Upon arrival at our temporary residence, a hotel on the side of a highway, we carefully unstrapped him from his carseat and gingerly held him in our arms trying to wrap our heads around the fact that we were his parents– that he was our son. People would ask with thinly restrained glee, “Do you just love him more than anything?!” Of course we loved him, but to say, “Oh yes! My heart is an ocean! I am a different person,” felt a little… false. Of course we loved him. Of course we’d do anything we could for him. However, at that point, it was a choice more than a reflex. Continue Reading »
It’s almost time for another Mother’s Day– my second as a mom. I think about Baby Boy’s birth parents, literally, every day, but Mother’s and Father’s Day tend to direct my thoughts to them even more. Their loss is my gain, their grief translates to my joy, and the hole in their lives has become the fullness and purpose of mine.
In my experience, I’ve encountered people who champion the concept of adoption but turn right around and look down upon single moms and judge parents who make the difficult decision to place their child for adoption. They don’t love their children less than other people, and I think that people fail to remember that sometimes. No road is an easy road. Real talk. Continue Reading »
The last couple of weeks have proven to be busy in the Chickie household. K completed his first half marathon, Baby Boy managed to stay well for another week (make no mistake, this is HUGE), K is starting a new job, we spent some much needed down time with some very dear friends, and I have taken my favorite hobby global– or at least national– by launching my very own soap selling website. It’s really hard to say which of these things makes me the most excited. They all rank pretty far up there. Continue Reading »
This week has been, as a friend coined it, profoundly sad. The events on Monday at the Boston Marathon were a shock to the system, starting the week off with heartbreak, confusion, and disappointment. For Texans, the news of a massive plant explosion in West added an additional layer of sadness.
This week alone, so many people have lost someone dear to them in events that could have just as easily never happened… an unfortunate flip of life’s coin. So many people have frantically tried to reach someone they love and spent hours not knowing their fate. So many people will remember this as the hardest year of their lives. Continue Reading »
Photo by Keith Ramsey via Flickr Creative Commons
I’ve tried to muster the energy all week to write a post. Where my brain normally sizzles with activity, this week, it hasn’t even started to steam. I haven’t had any huge revelations. Nothing profound has occurred. Mostly, I’ve just been tired. Really, really tired.
What did occur was the biggest case of mom guilt I’ve had to date. My guy was sick last weekend– fever, upset stomach, and screamy
periods days. K and I had our first real, “Okay, should we go to the E.R?” conversation. I made my first frantic call to the doctor. I gave Baby Boy his first cool bath to bring down fever. After he was at an acceptable temperature and in bed for the night, though I often joke about “needing a drink,” I had my first real moment where I sunk into the couch and seriously considered opening a bottle of wine. Boiling hot babies are straight up terrifying, and it only reminds you how little control you actually have over things that occur in life. Continue Reading »
Last weekend, Baby Boy participated in his first Easter egg hunt. Watching him grab an orange dyed egg and claim it as his own was fun and fresh. It made me remember being small myself and how finding a hidden egg felt like unlocking the door to Narnia– or so I imagine. I don’t actually know how it would feel to have a portal to Narnia. The cries and diapers of weekend teething melted away, and this orange egg memory is the one that fossilized. Continue Reading »
At the park with Dad!
As Baby Boy gets older, I have more and more moments when I think to myself, “This. This is what it was all for.”
In the evenings (usually when it’s time to start dinner), Baby Boy gets a little clingy. He’s winding down from his afternoon nap, and he wants to be held… until bed time. If you are unable to humor him, he either clamps himself onto your leg and cries with hands outstretched, “Mah! Mah! Mah! Mah! Mah! Mah!” OR if I am lucky, he’ll forgo the melodrama and simply sit on my foot. This scenario is much more conducive to chopping chicken and peeling carrots. Continue Reading »
Photo via Flickr Creative Commons by frasercgraham
Since January, my little guy who never got antibiotic-sick during his first year, has been to the doctor three times. He’s currently on his third round of antibiotics.
Having a sick kid is the worst and not for the reasons you might think. It’s not the clinginess or the irritability or being snotted on or anything like that. You WORRY…. about EVERYTHING. You lie awake at night listening for coughs and cries. As fatigue gnaws your sleepless brain, you start to imagine elaborate scenarios in which you fall asleep only to discover a cold baby in the morning like someone on the evening news– all because you fell asleep and missed a fatal cough.
Parenthood is crazy, y’all. Continue Reading »
Sometimes, I think the worst place one can turn for information is the internet– especially adoption information. You’ll find all sorts of extreme ideas regarding adoption (usually from people who have never even adopted a pet, much less a son or daughter). It’s hard to know how you are supposed to feel at any point.
When we were waiting, there were several instances when our caseworker called to talk to us about profile opportunities. We made it clear that there were lots of things we’d make exceptions on, but we wanted to make calls on those things based on each individual situation. Because of this choice, there were a few cases when we knew we were being considered by birth parents, and we spent lots of time on pins and needles. As it turned out, none of these parents ever chose us. In fact, when we did get a call about Baby Boy’s birth mom and dad being interested in us, we had no idea that anyone was even evaluating our profile. For us, it was much easier not knowing that someone was pouring through our profile trying to make the most important choice of their lives… of our life too. We also would have been spared feelings of sadness and rejection if they had chosen someone else to parent Baby Boy. Continue Reading »
Photo by Bixentro via Flickr creative commons
I would imagine to that to most adoptive parents, receiving your child’s birth certificate with your name and his name printed on an official document is kind of a special moment. It was to me, at least. Ten months after we brought Baby Boy home, we received his birth certificate. Two months after that, I begrudgingly made my way to the local Social Security Administration to apply for his social security card.
I’ve heard horror stories about the SSA my whole life. I also have never forgotten the day I had my name changed after K and I married. All of those people in house shoes! WHY?! However, I spoke with both adoptive and non adoptive parents about their experiences, and I confirmed on the SSA website approximately elevently billion times exactly what I would need to complete the process. With all of this in mind and Baby Boy’s birth certificate, a completed application, my identification, and the official final adoption decree in hand, I got there before they opened and took a number. Continue Reading »